No one is ever truly ready to face that diagnosis…

It seems like nothing is wrong, life goes on as it should, and maybe you even manage your daily job and other tasks without a problem – but you are not the same person as several months or years ago. You keep telling yourself that it isn’t serious, that you’re doing it just for fun and mostly on the weekends with your friends around, but the addiction is sneakily shaping and changing your life beyond recognition.

You catch yourself on the small things first. It changes your personality. It changes the way you walk and carry yourself, how you see people, how you react to the world. It changes your clothing style and sleeping habits. Before you know it, what starts off as a harmless pass-time with a few fun pals takes over every cell of your body. You are hooked. No matter how many times you tell yourself you’re quitting – you’re a lifetime slave to it now.

You realize you start needing more and more each time, even if it makes you feel worn out afterwards. You justify it to yourself – the high is totally worth the crash! And, besides, come on – so may other people are doing it, how bad can it be? Some of them even have kids, or keep it up while they are pregnant!

And you continue. Your mind drifts off more frequently and you can’t always concentrate at work, especially when you know you will be getting a dose soon. You get even more overly excited when you anticipate some good stuff in bulk. You plan on it well ahead.

You no longer work to pay the bills – you work to pay for your addiction. You may not have the latest phone, your car may need fixing but if something good and major is coming up, you already know where this month’s pocket money will be going… You live your life as if Christmas was every few weeks or even days, followed by the usual effects of sleep deprivation… But the phones and cars can wait – you’re getting your drug!

You leave your daytime occupation and persona behind the doors. You change your clothes, grab what you need and go off into the night. You’d rather eat plain pasta for the rest of the month than miss out on a dose of something this good – you re-count all your pocket change as you rush off…

The closer you get to the venue, the faster your heart is beating. You are already anticipating the rush…

The pushers are at the door to the familiar club. They greet you with wide smiles – it is by far not your first time. You can’t wait to exchange cash for what you need so desperately – those evil suppliers of fleeting happiness know it, too. Always at your service – they work hard to get you the very best on the market. Your money leaves your pocket – you receive in return another ticket to another paradise. You can almost kiss them all right there at the spot…

You walk in. Lights are dimmed, the club is packed, you feel the bass vibrate through your body. Your hands are almost shaking as you take off your street clothes – you already see people getting theirs and you cannot wait another minute to join them. By now, you would not switch places with anyone on this planet – you are right where you belong to. Right at the hub of your drug.

This here is the end of your self. This here is where your alter-ego takes over, where worries disappear, where fatigue can be fully ignored and where only your addiction reigns. This weekend the universe may well seize to exist – you wouldn’t know. You are here now and you surrender yourself fully to your master – the dance.


About in shade

A cocktail of personality traits hard to digest for some but ultimately soothing for those who can. I observe, enjoy, travel, interact, photograph, dance, contemplate, write and love my way through this life's countless occurrences. This blog is a way to share with the world and its people some of the treasures they give me every day.
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